and completely not how i wanted it to turn out. i'm exhausted, running on little sleep. stressed out about final papers and stupid exams. and people taking advantage of me.

i need to talk to dena about how she has been selfish these past five days. to me, by leaving me at the apartment alone without calling and telling where she is (even though i know it's with petey) and how i drove travis back to the haverhil t-station at 8.00am this morning because she said she needed to drive petey somewhere. and then i came home. around 11.30. after driving for 3 hours and 15 minutes. and found them making out in her bed. with the door open. laughing. i can't even explain to you the colours of red i saw. it was like. explosions of crimson behind my eyelids. never. EVER. take advantage of me. that's the only thing that makes me really pissed off.

candice, janis and i worked on our magazine for our final in women studies class. almost all day today. it was exhausting, but it looks really good. i have to write a few more things and then xerox it at my dad's office tomorrow. i don't have classes so i'll sleep late and then go buy a couple reams of paper and get to work collating.

and i'm going to call him. say everything i want to say. say everything that i see on movies and find absolutely heart warming but never get to fucking say from my own mouth. i'm sick of holding back. i'm going to tell him i like his face and his company and his working hands and christ. this is going to be more honest than i've been to myself in a long time.

wish me luck.

prove me wrong.