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2003-07-12 - 11:47 a.m.
"i don't feel white, gay, bisexual, black or like a broken puerto rican in west side story, but sometimes i feel like all of them. sometimes i feel so white i want to speak in twang and belong to the kkk, experience the brotherhood and simplicity of opinions. sometimes i want to feel so heterosexual, hit the headboard to the point of concussion, and have my crotch smell like bad sperm the morning after. i want the kid, the folding stroller. please, let me stand forever in a line with my expensive offspring at disney world. sometimes i want to be so black, my hair in skinny long braids, that black guys nod and say 'hey, sister' when they pass me by on the street. i want the story, the rhythm, the myths that come with the color. sometimes i want to live with my hand inside of a woman so i can hear her heart beat, wake up with her smell all over me in the morning, and still feel as clean as i did the morning before. i want her to talk about her childhood until i go insane from pretending i didn't stop listening four hours ago. other times i wish i was born speaking spanish so i could sound like i look without curly-hair apologies. but i try all that and i quit it, and i try again. really, i want to get this individualistic-thing down. i want to walk across the football field alone without looking like the last one picked to play soccer. i never was a cheerleader, i was a slut on my own with the thinking that if a tree has a good time and no one's around to hear it, it's not a slut. but sometimes you do need another tree to double-dare you, or else you might end up doing nothing but watching TV when no one's around." -"flaming iguanas" by erika lopez
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